News of the Stoopid

Creatarded Timeline

Creatards like to pretend that Earth was formed in BC4004. To accommodate this newish pretension, I’ve worked out a timeline for the planet, based on their date of origin, along with the fossil record:

• 1^st January BC4004: Earth forms
• 15^th October BC3962: Theia dislodges the moon
• 29^th November BC3816: Earth cools solid
• 13^th March BC3544: Oceans begin to form
• 28^th December BC3023: Life rises autopoietically
• 1^st January BC2997: Earth develops an atmosphere
• 27^th June BC2626: Prokaryotes begin to evolve toward modern life
• 24^th November BC1996: Photosynthesis develops
• 5^th July BC493: Eukaryotic cells evolve
• 6^th May AD508: Plants split away from animals
• 31^st October AD758: Multicellular plants emerge
• 1^st April AD817: Multicellular animals evolve
• 17^th April AD1297: Fish evolve
• 4^th July AD1397: Plants begin to invade land
• 13^th July AD1422: Arthropods emerge onto land
• 28^th February AD1510: Tetrapods evolve from fish
• 7^th May AD1514: Plants evolve seeds
• 24^th September AD1522: Amphibians evolve
• 17^th February AD1556: Animals evolve amniotic eggs
• 26^th November AD1597: Synapsid explosion
• 8^th May AD1610: Pangaea forms
• 10^th January AD1673: The Permian ends with the extinction of 95% of species
• 27^th February AD1702: Deinosaurs appear
• 2^nd April AD1919: Deinosaurs die out
• 15^th July AD1998: Humanish primates appear
• 9^th January AD2003: Homosapiens evolve
• Last Sunday: First cave paintings
• Fifteen minutes ago: A terrorist gets nailed to a telephone pole
• Twenty-seven seconds ago: creatards get onto television, demanding equal time

Hope this helps….

—Gremlin,
25^th July 2007; 17.58.34 Mountain Daylight Time

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